Mouthwatering Monday...Elephant Stew!

Ingredients:
1 medium elephant
500 lbs. potatoes, diced
175 lbs. carrots, diced
10 lbs. salt
1 clove garlic, or to taste
1 rabbit, optional
100 lbs, celery, diced
150 lbs, onions, diced
7 lbs. peppers

Clean, skin, bone & dice one medium elephant.
If more stew is required, add one rabbit.
NOTE: Importation of ivory is illegal, so make sure your elephant does not have any tusks.
In a lightly greased frying pan, brown diced elephant and rabbit. Add water; simmer and turn continuously until cooked and tender (should take about 1 week). Add diced potatoes, carrots, onions, and celery and continue to simmer until the vegetables are tender. Add the salt, pepper and garlic; or season to taste. Serve by candlelight with a garnish of parsley and a full-bodied red wine. Serves 2000.